Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Things I learned (or was reminded of) at my department's holiday dinner:

Teachers like to hear themselves talk and are unaccustomed to letting others have their say.

A male teacher at Shitty recently punched a female student.

There is a large group of kids at Shitty who actually try to get sent to Detention every day so they can link up with each other and then pursue further nefarious activities.

Shitty’s college counselor only helps “island blacks” and reportedly encourages others to pursue less extra-curricular activities.

An effective way to stop students from stealing peanuts from your bag is to replace your regular peanuts with an extra-spicy kind. “Eso pique! You Mexican!”

I can eat a shit-load of baked clams.

I can drink a shit-load of crappy red wine.

I can discretely throw up in the bathroom and then come back for another round of food and drink.

Many teachers find off-color jokes, involving tampons and dildos in conversation with one another, to be offensive and not the least bit funny.

I’m not proud. Or hungry.

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