Sunday, September 12, 2004

School Pride
Shitty Bronx High School is now officially known as the Shitty Bronx Campus. This name change reflects the fact that the building now houses, up from two last year, a total of four ”mini-schools” in addition to the regular old high school.

The idea behind these mini-schools is not a bad one. A close-knit, small population of students and teachers focused around a specific interest or talent or need, art or business or bilingualism for example, is probably a very good thing for many people who are lost inhte shuffle of a giant, anonymous schools. Being the educational movement du jour, they have money (courtesy of a hefty Bill Gates grant) and support from the powers that be.

The problem is there is no room in the city to build new schools, so they are creating schools and then housing them within existing, already over-crowded, schools like Shitty.

This is no good for anybody. We at Shitty, especially the veterans, resent having even less of our already insufficient space and resources given to these interlopers, who never seem to lack for a book-room or a teacher’s lounge or a faculty bathroom (we’re going to have to go all Ally Mcbeal unisex this year) or have to teach classes in a converted broom-closet in the basement the way we do. There’s also the fact that regular Shitty students are likely to feel even more like born losers when compared to all these “special” students from “special” schools within their midst.

The mini-schools aren’t happy either. They don’t have their own space, have to deal with all the bureaucratic bullshit that a giant school entails, and have to worry about getting jumped or stabbed by Shitty’s roving student criminals. These poor kids from a music mini-school are going to have a hell of a time coming through the metal detectors every morning with their trumpets and tubas and flutes and flugelhorns.

They’re terrified and pissed and have been raising a big stink in all the papers about being put into such a violent, chaotic environment as Shitty. It’s funny, as much as I agree with their assessment, I think they’re a bunch of whiny little bitches. We deal with this crap every day, and, while not the most wholesome educational environment (unless you consider a minimum security prison to be a wholesome educational environment) I never fear for my safety.

Part of me wants Shitty kids to help all their worst fears come true, to rise up and take Shitty back, to beat down all these uppity band-dorks.

“Welcome to Shitty, nigga! Wha'appen? How you gonna win your choral competition with a clarinet stuffed down your throat? Yuh yuh! You ol’ punk-ass bitch…”

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